Some friends invited us to dinner on December 27th. What are they, crazy? Of course I said no. I have to get this Christmas Crap out of my house! Like, right now!
From November until December 25th, it’s a wild love affair with Christmas: parties and presents and cookies. December 26th, things start to cool off and then BAM! December 27th hits and it’s over. Get outta my house, Christmas! Make way for the birthdays!
Darling Husband’s birthday is today and mine is tomorrow.
Switching a house from Christmas back to Non-Christmas is a horror show when your house is teeny, tiny. Look:
The switch-over got done in time (sigh of relief) and we took Darling Husband to see The Hobbit for his birthday today. He isn’t talking much about it and I think he didn’t much like it. He’s a stickler for the book version and all he could blurt out was, “They took liberties! By gum, they took liberties!” I’m thinking this was a Bad Thing. He didn’t look happy.
On the way home Darling Husband could not figure out what he wanted for dinner. He was still mourning all those liberties, you know. We ended up getting Royal Farms fried chicken and eating it on trays in front of the TV. Chicken from a gas station on a tv tray and a movie that takes liberties on your birthday. Well, better luck next year. It can’t be giant laser tag parties every year.
I am an utter hypocrite.
So there I was sitting at the kitchen table reading my HGTV magazine. Each issue is packed with clever ideas of decorative handyman-type things to do around the house. There’s nothing that I hate more than doing decorative handy-man type things around the house. But reading about other people doing them, now that’s entertainment.
So there I was sitting at the kitchen table reading my HGTV magazine and there was an article about some guy’s vacation home (envy), and in every room he has orange. Orange curtains or orange pillows or orange vases or whatever.
And I thought, “Ewwww! Orange? Why? So garish.”
I finished that issue and picked up the next. This time there was an article with someone’s mudroom (envy) and it was painted orange.
Ewwww! Orange? Why? So ugly.
And another article further in showed a kitchen island painted, you got it, orange.
Ewwww! Orange? Why? So jarring. Why would anyone want orange all over their house??
And then I looked up.
I am so ridiculous. Because this is my kitchen. See:
Orange walls. Orange curtains. Orange lightswitch plate. Orange cat.
Sigh. People are just ridiculous. All of us. Including me.
My new 1/2 off Christmas Crap. Silver and red for 2015.
December 26th is when all those dreary Type A personalities who insist on Planning Ahead bounce out of bed early to buy Christmas Crap at 1/2 off and then store it for an entire year in their attics. Anything to save a buck.
And not only that, but those same people then pop over to the Returns Department to stand in line (a long line) to return their unwanted presents.
How do I know they were there?
Well..uh, because I was one of them. Duh. I’m a Planner and I adore saving bucks.
So, yes, I stood in the return line and gave mean, squinty-eyed glares to the man who sashayed past us and barked out in sanctimonious tones, “I would never stand in a line like that! Not gonna happen!”
Oh yeah, you don’t think so?
Consider the following situation: If, in a moment of yule bliss, you bought your Boy9 a Nerf bow and arrow set, but bought your adhd Boy12 a real bow and arrow set only to awaken on Christmas morning in a fit of lucidity to realize that you don’t give an adhd 12 year old boy a real bow and arrow set, (he’d shoot his eye out) you’d have hot-tailed it back to the store and been returning said bow and arrow set on December 26th, too. Don’t you be thinking you know our stories, Mr. Sashay Man. We’re saving children’s eyes by standing in these return lines!
And now the countdown begins. Only 340 more days until I put up 2015’s Christmas tree and decorate it with my new ornaments. Can’t wait!