My Home is Showcased in a Major Magazine, Sort of

So the other day a friend posted a link to an estate sale.  Here’s the link.  Oooo.  Fun!  I settled down to look through the pictures and gawk at all the stuff. Most of it was pretty bad.  I mean, there were framed pictures of hobos and teddy bears.  No, I’m not kidding.  See pictures #48 and 51.  Framed pictures of hobos and teddy bears, people.  That’s pretty bad.

Hobos and teddy bears aside, there was something pretty amazing in one of the pictures, right at the beginning.  Look at picture #1.  I’ve copied it here for you:

Do you see that awesome piece of furniture in the front right?  Oh, I love that piece of furniture.  Why can’t I have amazing furniture like that?  I sat there and just drooled over that piece of furniture for a good, oh, 10 seconds.

Until I realized…uh…wait.  Wait.  I do have amazing furniture like that.  I mean, really just like that.  I have that exact same piece in my dining room right now.  See:

photo (1)

Wow.  Silly me!  I didn’t even recognize it at first.  Huh!

A couple of days later I was reading my HGTV magazine and this ad caught my eye:

photo (2)

It’s all about dust triggering your allergies.  Ok, whatever.  What I was interested in was those books.  Look at those books!  Aren’t they just lovely?  Old beat up, dusty books, you just can’t get any better than that.  I would love to have those amazing books.

And then I realized…uh…wait.  Wait.  I do have amazing books like that.  I mean, really just like that.  I have one of those exact same books.   The green one.  The Thousand and One Nights–see:

photo

My copy isn’t as beat up as the one in the ad and the greens look different because the books are in different lighting, but look!  My bookcase is covered with dust, just like in the ad, and it even has a cobweb, just like in the ad.  I shined a little flashlight onto the book from beneath so you could read the title.  Look at what a lovely job it does of showcasing that cobweb.

But, silly me.  I’ve been saying things like, “My home doesn’t look like the homes in HGTV magazine,” yet it does.

This has got to be one of my proudest moments.

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People From India Give the Best Compliments

Ahem.

I have an announcement to make.

I have been compared to…are you ready? Are you ready for what I was compared to?

I have been compared to a guru, nay God himself, who gives enlightenment.

Did you read that? A guru! God! Giver of enlightenment!

Oh yeah, that is so me. I’ve been wondering when someone would finally notice.

See, I have a consulting job helping people prepare for tests that are a lot like the SAT tests.  These tests have essay questions. People like to prepare for the essays by writing practice essays. My job is to give feedback on the practice essays.  I do this all online and I never see the students in person.

One of my students is from India and is named Nutan. I thought Nutan was a man. I’ve been writing, “Dear Sir, ” on all our correspondence.

She let me know she is most certainly not a man. She is a woman.

I replied:

“Dear Nutan,

I was confused about your name. I have not heard it before. I am sorry I was calling you sir.”

And Nutan wrote back:

“Dear Madam,

No mam please don’t say sorry. You are my teacher, my guru, and guru is like God who gives you
enlightenment.”

Being a Christian, I have to say I’m a little uncomfortable with being compared to God.  That’s the sort of thing where the phrase “pride goeth before a fall” could come into play.  But I can totally latch on to “Guru, giver of enlightenment.”  A little embellishment would be acceptable, too.  If you felt the need to call me, “O wise guru, giver of enlightenment,” I wouldn’t stop you.

I can be reached for enlightenment any day after 4:30.  I charge $100 an hour.  Paypal only please. Or camera gear.  I will work for camera gear.