It’s that time of year again: shopping for Christmas presents for the boys in the pet department.
Why in the pet department?
Because Boy8 asked for teeny-tiny stuffed animals for Christmas this year. See, for a few glorious years some brilliant toy maker sold teeny-tiny stuffed animals that could easily fit in the palm of your hand with room to spare. Teeny-tiny lions and teeny-tiny dogs and teeny-tiny horses. They were adorable and Boy11 and Boy8 loved them.
When Boy8 asked for another one this year for Christmas I had a bad feeling that teeny-tiny stuffed animals were a passed fad and I was right. I’ve scoured 3 different stores with nary a teeny-tiny stuffed animal to be found, not even in the kryptonite pink girl aisles. Yes, kryptonite. They haven’t done it much lately, but whenever the boys used to pass the pink aisles of the toy store they would drop to the floor and crawl past clutching at their throats and gasping out, “It’s…pink…kryptonite! Gaaa!”
So, with no teeny-tiny stuffed animals to be found in the toy department I was forced to head to the pet department and get those teeny-tiny mice filled with catnip. Surely some Ritalin will counteract the hyper effects of the catnip and everything will even out…right?
Along with buying my sons’ presents from the pet department, I had to drum up an “elephant gift” for a cookie exchange I’m going to tomorrow. The same thing happened last year. I went to the cookie exchange and had to bring an “elephant gift.” I wasn’t exactly sure what an “elephant gift” was, so I found a quite hideous elephant with a clock in its stomach lurking in a corner of my attic and took it to the exchange. Turns out the woman who won it was delighted with it and keeps it proudly displayed on a shelf in her living room. The other women breathed a sigh of relief that they dodged getting the elephant gift from me.
But what the other women don’t know is that I have an extensive elephant figurine collection in boxes in my attic. No, I’m serious. I really do. My mother decided I needed to collect something so she started sending me lots and lots of elephants. I used to fill the furniture of my house with them, but after a while I got bored with them and boxed them all up and stuffed them in the attic.
I just remembered about 20 minutes ago that I was supposed to bring another “elephant gift” for tomorrow. Five minutes later I came down from the (freezing) attic with my offering for this year. It’s brass and is a little tarnished, but it’ll do. Obviously they secretly want me to bring elephants or they wouldn’t ask for more “elephant gifts.”
But just so I wasn’t totally lame, I also tossed in some very nice Christmas ornaments that I found in the (freezing) attic as well.
And now off to make a last batch of cookies for the cookie exchange and to wrap my elephant gift. If you’re coming to the exchange and pick up a bag that feels heavy enough to hold a big brass elephant, pick another bag. You’ve been warned.