I have an announcement.
No, no! No. No, I’m not pregnant, perish the thought. (shudder) Though baby pictures are a part of this post. Wait, come back! These aren’t baby pictures as you’ve ever seen them. Ever.
No, it’s better than that.
I have fallen madly, wildly, and very shallowly in love. Ah l’amour.
Shallowly, because I know it won’t last. It can’t last. The object of my affection is fickle and callous and strings me along by every once in while doing something so beautiful that I keep coming back for more.
It’s all very unhealthy and twisted.
So…the other day I took a picture of my crazy marine neighbor’s roses. Roses are pretty…I have a camera…I took the shot. I saved it onto the computer and wondered what I’d ever do with it. Probably delete it in a few days.
And then it happened. Out of the blue, without any preparation, I happened to stumble across this:
“In Photoshop Elements
Open the image
Crop to a square
Filter-Distort-Polar Coordinate, click on Polar to Rectangular-Okay
Filter-Distort-Polar Coordinates, click on Rectangular to Polar-Okay”
Yeah, I know. That doesn’t mean much to you, but I opened my hated Photoshop Elements and followed the instructions. I fully expected that Elements would be its usually soulless self and delete all the pictures on my hard drive just to see me cry.
Here’s the flower picture straight out of camera:
AND HERE’S THE PICTURE AFTER I DID THE ABOVE STUFF! YES, I’M SHOUTING!!!
It worked! It really worked!
And now you see why I’m in love.
Elements does this to me a lot. I can go months begging for cooperation while it blows raspberries at me and then it’ll go off and do something so amazingly perfect that I’m drawn back in.
And here’s the part where the literal twisting of the picture in Elements mixed with my own twisted sense of humor and pictures of babies all comes together. Here’s the story.
There I was, back in May, at church. (Church!) In the church atrium is a little kitchen with a refrigerator. I opened the freezer, and there, carefully placed on the top rack of the freezer was an ice cube tray filled with tiny naked frozen babies. Wha….??
I recoiled in horror and next thing I knew I was being chased through dark hallways by people chanting, “Tiny naked frozen babies, tiny naked frozen babies…” When I finally came to on the floor of the kitchen, I was informed that the tiny naked frozen babies were for some sort of baby shower game.
Ah, well, that all makes perfect sense. Baby showers have their own element of the bizarre, so why not tiny naked frozen babies? I took a picture.
And finally, after all these months, I have the proper medium to bring these deliciously disturbing pictures of the tiny naked frozen babies to the general public.
Second attempt, with a slightly different crop:
You do know that I’ll be doing this to pretty much every picture I take for the next few months. I’m hoping I get a few cool shots today. At 4:00 I’m heading to a Thanksgiving in June celebration. Wouldn’t a big ol’ turkey look amazing swirled in a glass ball? Yes. Yes, it would.
And now I have to go and glaze some carrots for Thanksgiving dinner.
Gobble, gobble, gobble.