The Catalog Fairies Deliver a Gift

You remember my invisible friends, right?  They’re the people who post on an online homeschooling forum where I spend gobs of time.

If you don’t know what a forum is it’s a website where you can post email-type messages and people will respond to your messages.  It’s a way to share information or ask questions.

Every now and then one of my invisible friends will giddily post that her Rainbow Resource curriculum catalog arrived in the mail.  They’ll write things like, “Gonna brew a pot of coffee, crack open some Nutella,  and read the catalog for a while.” And I think to myself, “Homeschool dweeb!”  Because seriously?  A catalog?   Get a life, homeschoolers!

Today, and I have no idea why or how, I received one of these Rainbow Resource catalogs in the mail.

My friend Traci stopped by.  I saw her pull up and headed to the front door to let her in.  As I got to the door I heard some grunting and shuffling sounds on the other side.  I opened the door and almost got squashed by a humongous tome that came crashing to the floor at my feet.  When the dust settled, I could barely see Traci over the top of the gargantuan book.  She had to stoop to catch her breath before she said, “They just dropped this off so I brought it in to you.”  I pulled her into the house over the mountainous book blocking the door and made her lie down on the couch and drink some cool lemonade to recover from all the exertion.

Apparently, the Rainbow Resource truck was in my neighborhood dropping off the catalogs.  I caught the tail end of the truck as it turned a corner when I peeked out the door past The Catalog.  There were big, sweaty, muscled men in the truck—the kind of guys who are piano movers or World’s Strongest Man competitors.  Maybe when those guys retire, they become Rainbow Resource catalog deliverers  And here I thought all the rattling in the house was from the construction around the corner (really, it’s been rattling all morning).  But all along it was the catalog truck with its tons of catalogs rumbling through the neighborhood.

I stared at the book, wondering how I would move it so I could shut the door.  It was wrapped with sturdy plastic bands, so that it couldn’t flap open and smother the delivery guys in the folds of its pages.  Images of the Book of Monsters from Harry Potter danced through my head.  I put on some sturdy shoes.

Here.  I’ll let you see it:

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And lest you think that they pad the catalog with a lot of empty space on each page:

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All one thousand, four hundred-ten pages are as packed as this one.

As soon as I’m done here, I’m gonna brew a pot of tea, because coffee is yuck, tell all my invisible friends that my catalog arrived and spend the rest of the evening reading it.  I have a niggling fear that I won’t get through the catalog until Boy8 has graduated, but I won’t let that stop me.

A quick flip through of some things I could buy:

Liquid Frisket

Dissection specimens, includes: earthworm, grasshopper, freshwater clam, perch & double-injected fetal pig.

Politically Incorrect Guides…to Capitalism, to Socialism, to the Constitution, etc.

Budget Game (Ooo.  I want to play the Budget game.  I love budgets.)

Piano for Quitters

A Craftsman House

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8 thoughts on “The Catalog Fairies Deliver a Gift

  1. We got one today, too. We all spent a few moments just staring at it, not at all sure what to do with a book so big. Flipping through the pages made me realize just how big and colorful and convenient the Internet really is.

  2. Hey cool, a build your own particle accelerator kit. Comes with popsicle sticks, foil and old refrigerator magnets (page 1114)!

  3. Just don’t drop it on your toe. Oh yeah, done that. Broke my toe (or so I thought). That was last time I ordered one.

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