For the most part, I’ve been ok after watching The Shining last week. Until tonight.
Until tonight when Darling Husband headed off to watch a Doctor Who special with friends and I stayed home with the kids. Everything was perfectly fine until I put them to bed and had to come downstairs alone after dark.
And now I’m feeling a little shivery.
When I get scared I try to break down exactly what the fear is and carry it to its furthest conclusion to see if it really warrants feeling the fear. If I apply such cold logic to my fear, maybe it will go away. No, it’s never worked so far, but I keep trying.
Ok, so let’s say that the ghosty twins appear right now! (Aaahhhh!) No, no—stay calm.
Let’s say they appear right now. What would happen? Well, in the movie, they just stood there holding hands and asking to play. Later they were lying around in the hallway hacked up by an ax and covered in blood. But beyond asking for a playdate and lying around all hacked up, they didn’t do much of anything.
Counterattack to the ghosty twins: Don’t agree to a playdate and slowly edge away. And uh…well, I guess that’s it. Whenever Danny didn’t talk to them, they just sort of wandered off.
Fear of the twins–laid to rest. (Laid to rest… in a bloody hallway, aaaahhhh! No, no—stop. Just stop.)
Next scary scene: an old African American man with rheumy eyes will give a tour of the kitchen but while he’s talking to everyone, he’ll speak directly into my mind offering me ice cream and then give a smile that’s hard to read. I don’t want anyone speaking directly into my mind offering ice cream. I don’t much like ice cream. Now if you want to offer me some razzleberry pie, I’m all for that.
Counterattack: ~Do you want ice cream?~ ~No, thank you. But some razzleberry pie would be nice.~ See? Easy peasy.
Next—Naked Young-Old Woman with a skin condition. This one is a bit of a problem because I had my eyes almost entirely closed through this scene so I sort of missed what happened exactly. But from what I saw with my eyes barely opened, Jack Nicholson kissed Naked Young Woman and then noticed in the mirror that she changed into Naked Old Woman with a skin condition. She cackled at him, but he just ran away.
Counterattack: Do not startle naked women from their baths and most certainly do not kiss naked women. And if a naked young woman morphs into a cackling old woman with a skin condition, run away.
Oh, wait. There was also that scary bit when Naked Young-Old Woman scratched Danny’s neck. But Danny was only 6 years old and was probably a slow runner. Even then, slow Danny managed to get away with just a scratch, so I’m sure I’ll be fine.
The last fear: Jack Nicholson doesn’t want to hurt anyone, he only wants to bash them in the head, and he chases everyone with an ax around an empty hotel.
This is a tough one. I don’t have a maze in my backyard or any snow, so I have no way to defeat crazy Jack Nicholson and his ax.
And, thus, I’m home alone feeling kinda creeped out.