I’ve never been a snob before, but I’m one now: a camera snob.

Yesterday was Photo Club.  I brought my flash so I could practice using it.

First was Kevin.  He knows he cannot avoid the inevitable and accepts it with stalwart resignation.  In other words, he freezes in place.  The camera comes out and, like a wile rabbit, he stays perfectly still, his features immobile.  He does this every single time.  (And yes, wile is spelled correctly, I looked it up.  Pronounced Wile. E. Coyote.)

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Actually, it’s really nice of him to do that.  That way, the pictures don’t come out blurry.  Thank you, Kevin.

Next was Gerhard.  Gerhard also knows to freeze, except for his lips.  He will not be deterred from telling a good story.  It’s up to the photographer to fire off a few shots between sentences.

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You know the phrase, “better than a poke in the eye?”  Well,having your picture taken by a photographer who’s trying to sort out how to use her flash is at least better than a poke in the eye.

Or not.  Scott opted for the poke in the eye.

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Eh–he couldn’t have been all that upset.  He froze for the picture, too.

Then, there was Hannah.  Poor Hannah.  Long story short, she didn’t have a camera to use at Photo Club.  That made her The Model for the day.  Poor, poor Hannah.  I hope she comes back.

In the church atrium there is a dark corner with some couches.  Here’s a picture of the couch area with my camera set to f11 (yes, it goes to 11), 1/125 shutter speed and ISO 200.  This really is the picture from my camera of the couch with those settings.

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Without the flash it’s like, how much more black could this be? And the answer is none. None more black. Which, actually, is exactly what I wanted.

It means that any pictures I took in the couch area would be lit by the power of my flash alone.  “Hannah, come sit on this couch, would you?”

I got a series of pictures of Hannah.  I like this one of her and Scott.

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Yes, that is a tissue stuck onto the lens of Scott’s camera with a hair band.  If you want to know why, you’ll have to come to Photo Club.  Photo Club secrets are safe with me.

Then I went home and tormented Darling Husband with flash photography as well.  He is not a good model.  I can get in maybe 3 shots before he loses interest and wanders off.

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Unfortunately for Scott, we invited him to spend the day with us after Photo Club.  Even though he makes a big fuss about it he will let me use him as a model indefinitely so I took advantage of the opportunity.

Scott Flash Photography Collage

The only side effect is that, as you can see, Scott gets increasingly crabby the more pictures I take of him.  By the end of the night, poor Tony Stark Lego mini-fig was just trying to eat his peanut butter cookie in peace…

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…but Scott had become very unreasonable by then and insisted that it was his peanut butter cookie.  Poor Tony.  His little head popped off in the melee and now we’ll have to move the stove to find it.

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There was a point to telling you all this.  Here it is:

Traci, of Traci Cake fame, walked up to me in church today.  She was dressed very nicely.  She said, “I need a favor…”  and I immediately started reaching for Alex.  When a photography enthusiast’s friend is dressed up and says “I need a favor,” you know exactly what they want: a portrait for something-or-other.

She began rummaging in her thirty-one bag and murmuring, “You can take the picture on my cell phone.  I figured if anyone can take a good picture on my cell phone, you can.”

At that point I got lightheaded and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t from low blood pressure.  Honestly?  Are you kidding me?  You want me to take a picture of you…on a cell phone??  I haven’t spent $1000+ on camera gear to use your cell phone.  Augh!

If I didn’t know that Traci isn’t manipulative in the slightest, I would have thought it was some sort of reverse psychology.  “I’ll ask Jackie to use my cell phone camera and she’ll be so disgusted at the thought that she’ll insist on using her good camera to take my picture.”

I fell for it this time, but it’ll only work once, people.  Don’t even try to trick me again into taking your picture by handing me your cell phone.  I’m on to you now.  Next person who tries to pull that trick has to treat me to Li’s Buffet.

But good for Traci that I had just learned how to use the flash.  Except for the white flash mark glowing on her forehead.  Maybe she won’t notice it.  I sure hope not, because it’s all I can see.  Glow, glow, glow.

Maybe I should have used the cell phone.

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