Every month my church puts out a newsletter. On the third page they list the names of everyone who has a birthday or anniversary that month. The actual ages aren’t listed.
For some utterly bizarre reason, if you have a Big Birthday (one that ends with a zero) there is a special bar to the side just for your personal torment where your age is listed for all to see. That way all 60 billion church members can be stupefied by your ancient age and they can come up to you on Sunday to exclaim about it.
Who thought that up? I’m gonna blame the youth group. Who else, except someone under 22 wants their age announced to all and sundry? No one!
Except for 90 year olds. They love to tell you how old they are. They always sound pretty flabbergasted when they tell you, too. “I’m 95 years old!”
I think I know how they feel. I’m still reeling from the shock of turning forty. (“Me, forty?! Inconceivable!) I can’t imagine how astounded I’ll be once I hit 90.
I’d hoped that being married to a board member would have come with a few perks, like getting out of having your Big 4-0 announced to everyone. No such luck. In December’s newsletter, my Fortieth Birthday was announced for all to see.
Yesterday, a man walked up to me in church and blurted out, “I didn’t realize you were that old!” There was heavy emphasis on the “that”. It wasn’t so much a blurt as a blaat. He blaated it out, like a sheep blaat or a trumpet blaat. “I didn’t realize you were thaat old!”
I think he was trying to compliment me so I replied with a, “Um…thank you?”
So what do you think? Here are collages of some of the self-portraits I posted on The Blog in 2012. Do I look like I was 39 going on 40? Or do I just look irritated and perplexed?
Note: If I ever take a picture of you and you say, “Don’t post a bad picture of me on online,” and I say, “Don’t worry. I would never post a picture of someone else that I wouldn’t be willing to post of myself,”…don’t be reassured.
P.S. I’m just kidding about being upset that my 40th was in the newsletter. I don’t really mind that it’s in there. But there was that time that Keith turned 30 and they accidentally listed him as turning 40. That was a bit of a shock. We were all blaating to each other, “I didn’t realize Keith was that old!”