Trying Not to be an Embarrassment to My Friends

Do you remember waaaay back when I posted about how bad of a patient I am?   It was on Jan 25th, (click here to read) when I told the pathetic tale of how I have the sorry honor of being the Worst Patient Ever at a certain ophthalmologist’s office, and how I was asked to leave a blood donation center, when I was already hooked up to the needle and dripping blood into the bag, because my (valid and insightful) questions about blood donation were freaking out the other donators.  Wimps.

Well, I’ve been wanting to move to a new doctor here in town.  Unfortunately, Barbetta just got a job as a Nurse Practitioner at the very office that I want to move to.  Grrrr.  The pressure is on.   And Barbetta knows it.  I’ll explain.

See, I can’t see Barbetta as my provider.  Boy10 didn’t understand why and I told him, “Well, what if you had an embarrassing condition, like a wart on your butt?”  (Yes, this is how we talk at home.  We just put on a good show in front of the rest of you, pretending that we’re elegant and refined.  But in the privacy of our own home, we also use the word “fart” and “stupid” quite often in conversation.)  “You wouldn’t want your friend to know you had a wart on your butt, would you?  That’s embarrassing.”

He said he’d rather have a friend know, who cares about you, rather than a stranger who might make fun of you.

I don’t agree.  So…can’t see Barbetta as a provider.  (And no, I don’t have a wart on my butt!)

Before the appointment with the other Nurse Practitioner in the office (Jen), Barbetta told me about Jen.  “Jen is great!  You’ll love her!”

And, unbeknownst to me, Barbetta told Jen, “Jackie’s great!  You’ll love her!  No weird medical conditions.”  (Well, unless you count that wart…no, no!  I’m kidding.  I have no warts.)

Today I went to see Jen and realized that I would have to Behave.  No freaking out about bleeding to death from getting my blood drawn, no passing out in the ophthalmologist’s office out of fear of going blind.  (Just read the January 25th post already.)

So, even though there were lots of times when I wanted to crack a joke, I didn’t.  I stayed calm and serious and was a Good Patient.  Very boring.  Very normal.

Tonight, I talked to Barbetta and she said, “Well?  What did you think of Jen?”  I told her that I liked Jen.  And Barbetta gave a sigh of relief. “Shew!  I like Jen and I like you, but what if the two of you thought each other was weird?!  That would be embarrassing.”

Barbetta, I’m sorry to inform you that….I am weird!  Hopefully, I can continue to keep it under wraps in front of your co-workers, but who knows?  Put me in a pressure filled medical situation and I’m bound to Fall Apart and be a Complete Embarrassment and you’ll be forced to look for a new job.

I am unhappy to report that Jen made me get a tetanus shot. I’ve been smug in the knowledge that I don’t have to get shots and when my sons have to get their shots I’ve been sympathetic, but firm, “Oh, it’s just a little shot.  You’ll be fine.  I’ll get you a slushie when it’s done.”

But when I had to get my tetanus shot, I broke out in a sweat and my mouth went dry and I felt a little dizzy.  It’s really warm in that office.   But I had to be brave in front of the boys, and, more importantly, in front of Barbetta’s coworkers.

So, I got the shot and it was nothing!  Nothing!  Barely any pain at all!  I made fun of the boys, “Guys!  That was it?  All the drama and having to buy you slushies after your shots for that?

But then, about 2 hours later, the pain set in.  The shot site hurts!  Ouch!  I can barely lift my sweet tea tonight, so you know it’s bad.  And no one even got me a slushie.  😦


Picture of the day.  Tonight is Haircut Night at Wendy’s house.  Now that Soup Day is over (good going Barbetta, getting a job and cancelling Soup Day forever), we have to come up with other ways to get our haircuts.  So, every six weeks, we have Haircut Night.

I’m here at haircut night right now, writing The Blog, because Darling Husband called to inform me that the internet is down at my house.  The internet people say it won’t be up until after midnight.  335 posts into this Daily Blog Challenge and this is my first brush with technical difficulties.  So, I’m staying late for Haircut Night, hogging Wendy’s laptop and composing The Blog.  And yes, she’s impressed with my mad typing skilz.


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