A Gift from my Mother-In-Law, Orange Hair, and an Orange Face

Ok, people.  I’m pale, pale, pale.  I wear my SPF 5000 every time I go out, and I slather on the stuff.  Slather, slather, slather.  When I go to the beach I wear so much sunblock that I’m whiter at the end of the vacation than when I started.

I watched someone I know–a redhead, no less!–apply sunblock one day.  She took 3 sunblock atoms and managed to smear all three of them on her face, neck and arms.  I watched her carefully throughout the rest of the afternoon, expecting her to burn up like those snake firecracker things that you get on the Fourth of July.  People, this is why you’re getting more skin cancer even though you wear sunblock.  Don’t smear on 3 atoms, tell yourself “I’m protected!”, and sit in the full sun for the rest of the day.  Sheesh.

And yes, I reapply my gobs of sunblock every 2 hours.  When I went to Hershey Park with Jo-Ann, I smeared so much sunblock on myself over the course of the day that my face was as soft as those new blankets they have out now.  You know the ones.  The ones you can’t stop touching because they’re soooo soft. I couldn’t stop myself from petting my own cheek throughout dinner, hoping no one would notice.

My father is a redhead.  Well, he was a redhead.  Currently he’s a bald head with some puffs of white above his ears, but he was a redhead in his youth.  Well, really he was an orange head.  And he’s always been a rather calm person, so the theory that redheads are fiery is just silly.  I didn’t get his red hair, but I did get his pale skin.

My mother-in-law recently gave me some sort of skin cream stuff.  She mumbled something about it not working out for her.  It seemed harmless enough, so I took it home to try out.

As you may recall, it takes me a loooong time to get ready in the morning.  This is because I prop up a book in the bathroom and read while I’m getting ready.  I get ready by feel, because my eyes are on my book the entire time.  I don’t look up until I apply the eye makeup.

So…out of the shower, dry off (reading), deodorant (reading), new skin cream (reading), hair glue (reading), comb hair (reading), put on clothes (reading), eye-makeup (look up.)

Oh, my word!  What’s wrong with my face?!?  It’s orange!  I look like Tamoon from Star Trek.

Look at the spots I missed.  You can see my normal white skin around the edges.

Here, look at my shoulder, to see my normal color, compared to where the orange starts on my neck.  And you can see the edges near my hair–look at the color contrast:

The sad thing is, it didn’t wash off.  When I washed my face, the color toned down a little bit, but it was still there.  All I can figure is that since I’m normally white as a ghost, the moisturizer actually stained my skin.

I spent the rest of the day orange.

Soooo….anybody want this stuff?  It’s free to a good home.

Notice how it says “light?”  Light for an oompa loompa, maybe.  I’m not sure exactly what color would be good for me if “light” turns me orange.

I just hope it wears off by tomorrow.  Clothing options are so limited when you’re orange.  Everything clashes.

Oompa Loompa Song.


2 thoughts on “A Gift from my Mother-In-Law, Orange Hair, and an Orange Face

  1. I am the spawn of redheads… my mother a beautiful redhead; my blonde father the son of a stunning redhead. I have spent my life in utter rebellion against sunblock. I was born blonde. I have spent my life getting one good burn in the early summer and I have been fortunate to just get red/brown the rest of the year. I expect skin cancer will come for me one day… I am one of those foolish people that just don’t care.

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