Gross Tarts for the Guests, Gross Guys in the Pool, and Gross Odors in Georgia

I made some really disgusting tarts today.

The pie crust part of the tarts is made out of 50 pounds of butter, some cream cheese, flour and salt.  They come in at just under 50 thousand grams of fat per tart.  Right there, that’s disgusting.

But did you notice the missing ingredient?  That’s right.  No sugar.  If you’re going to eat 50 thousand grams of fat in one tart, you should at least have some sugar to make it worth it.  I tasted one and it tastes like eating a stick of butter covered in flour, and it’s sour.  A rancid stick of butter rolled in a bowlful of flour.

The tart part is just raspberry preserves with some real raspberries thrown in.  So, basically, they’re thumbprint cookies, only with rancid butter and no sugar.

I made them for a guest who will be visiting tomorrow.  I’m still going to offer them to the guest, because I don’t know what else to do with them.  I could just toss them, but what’s the fun in that?   May as well watch the guest try to be polite about the gross tarts.  After a bite or two we can always pull out the Italian Ices and eat those, instead.

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We went to JJ Hibachi Buffet for dinner.  That’s because it was hot today and Darling Husband was miserable from the heat, and when he gets hot and miserable, he likes to go to freezing cold air-conditioned restaurants and have a nice meal.

Why was he so hot?  Because he was outside in our 100 degree heat with the boys.  At the pool.  Apparently, it was so hot that Darling Husband was sweating while he was in the water.  I’m not sure that’s even possible, but he swears that it is.  Maybe the sweat was actually some water splashed on his brow from some rowdy kids?  Nope.  He maintains it was so hot that he was sweaty in the pool.  Come on down to the local public pool and sit in the water with a bunch of guys sweating in the water. So gross.

At the pool, Darling Husband met with our friend Vince and 27 of his 41 kids.  I didn’t get to hear the stories firsthand, but apparently, Vince was regaling Darling Husband with stories about the Worst Vacation Ever that they’d just returned from.

Apparently, a brother-in-law planned the trip and they naively agreed to it.  It started with a 12 hour drive to the mountains of Georgia with all 41 children jammed in the car on switchback roads.  First, one boy had to use the bathroom, and not the kind of use the bathroom where he can stand behind a tree on the side of the road.  Twenty minutes further up the switchback road, another boy had to use the bathroom–again, not the tree kind.  This went on from boy to boy, until the baby got carsick and puked on everyone.

When they arrived at the cabin, the sleeping area smelled like mold and urine.  They told the cabin owner about it and he arrived with a can of room freshener and sprayed it around the room, so now it smelled like mold and urine and Fresh Linen.

Then the activities began, which including hiking with all 41 kids so far into the mountains that they had to carry everything they needed for the entire day in their backpacks. Toilet paper, food, bug spray, diapers, Prozac…

Later in the week, they drove hours upon hours to get to a natural waterslide made out of rock.  Which was fun, but the water in the water slide was from mountain streams and came in at about 34 degrees Fahrenheit.   They had to cut that part of the trip short, because the children turned blue, not to mention all the cottonmouth and copperhead snakes sliding down the slide past them.  The snakes were totally hogging the slide and pushing the kids out of the way.  Plus, apparently some woman kept trying to catch the snakes, which was making them mad, and Vince didn’t want the kids to get caught in the cross fire.

They were all so miserable that they left a few days early.  On the way home, they stopped at a Walmart.  Vince and 40 of the kids went inside, while Gail and the baby were passed out in the car.  In the store, the lights flickered off and on a few times, and then stayed off.  Then the walls started shaking and buckling.  Over the intercom:  Tornado!  Everybody to the front of the store!

Vince rushed outside to get Gail and the baby and bring them into the store, with the van wobbling wildly in the wind.  Obviously, they made it home safely, or Vince wouldn’t have been at the pool telling the tale.  And I’m sure Vince told the story much better than I am, since I’m only hearing it secondhand and Vince is a great storyteller.

Anyway.  The point of this whole thing is that Darling Husband was at the pool, sweating, and listening to stories about Vince’s vacation and came home hungry and hot so we went to JJ Hibachi buffet.

And while we were there, I told Yan (owner’s daughter) I would attempt some pictures and if any of them turned out, I’d let her have them for their Facebook page.   A few of them turned out, but not as many as I’d hoped.

That’s because I’ve finally gotten to a point where I’m ready for a flash.  Not the built in flash on my camera, but a proper separate flash that I can eventually take off the camera and angle it wherever I want to.  I’ve been hesitant to get a flash because this means I’m back to square one again, learning how to use the flash.

Plus, I might have to finally get a proper bag for Alex if I get a flash.  There’s probably not enough room for both Alex and a flash in the padded lunch bag he lives in.

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Picture of the day:

Me, taking a quick picture of myself in a mirror at JJ Hibachi buffet.

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3 thoughts on “Gross Tarts for the Guests, Gross Guys in the Pool, and Gross Odors in Georgia

  1. Love it! lol Great story –and yes, you actually can get so hot that you literally start to sweat in the pool! Been there—done that!

    But I totally loved the part about the stinky cabin w/ Lysol and the pissed-off snakes goin’ down the water-slide! Too funny! So what planet was the lady from who was actually trying to catch them?!

    I do hope no one was hurt in the tornado outside of Walmart and in that community! Later! 🙂

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