Death by Preschooler, Death by Hunting Rifle, and Cardboard People Don’t Whine

Today started with an almost-death.  Mine.

Apparently, four-year-old boys are very, very good at playing dead.  Very good.  And pale four-year-old boys are the best.

There they were, all 300 preschoolers at church, running around like berserkers conquering Sweden, when I notice Liam, lying prone on the ground.  “Oh, he’s just playing dead,” I think to myself.

But he was so still.  So, so still.  And pale.  And kids were leaping over him, and he wasn’t even flinching when the gale force wind of their frenzied passing whipped his curly locks around.  And with that horrible little thump in my chest that means my heart just skipped a beat, I dashed to his side so I could prod at his leg.

Fortunately, Liam was alive and well and very pleased with his playing dead routine, but I had to lie prone on the ground and breathe into a paper bag for a few minutes.

——–

So, Kevin (from Photoclub) took a bunch of pictures of Wendy (from Soup Day) and her family in the local park on Thursday.  His pictures were lovely, as is to be expected.  Here’s Wendy looking at Kevin’s pictures and picking which ones she wants printed.

Oh, she looks happy in the picture, but this was the part where she was smiling and saying quietly so that only I could hear, in a steely-I-have-hunting-rifles-and-know-how-to-use-them-Clint-Eastwood voice, “Jackie.  Do you have any idea how irritated you’re making me right now?”

My put-upon friends are starting to understand why famous people smash photographers’ cameras.  Wendy was thisclose to hurling poor Alex across the Atrium.

I was a little miffed to realize that I missed out on the photo shoot.  I know Wendy and I know Kevin, and if I’d have known when they were meeting, I’d have “just happened to be at the park” on the day they were doing their pictures.  And if I “just happened to be there” I could have observed and taken notes.

The first thing Kevin did, as he should have done, was to go to the park the day before and scout out where he wanted to take pictures of the family.  I’ve been thinking for a few weeks now that I’d like to go to various locations and scout out good spots for pictures.  But I’d also want a person to go with me, so I could practice pictures in the location and see how they work.

But no one wants to follow me around for hours on end while I scout out locations.  I amused myself today when the thought flashed across my mind, “Wouldn’t it be great if I had one of those life-sized cardboard cutouts of someone and carried it around the park with me?”  Maybe a Justin Beiber cardboard cutout.  Or an Edward from Twilight.  I could place him wherever I want and he’d never get tired or whiny.  Can you see the crazy woman wandering around town carrying her life-sized cardboard cutout under her arm, propping him up, and taking his picture?

—————–

Picture of the day:  Today, we went to Mom’s house for an Independence Day luncheon.

Corn

Mom

Dad

Boy7 playing catch.

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3 thoughts on “Death by Preschooler, Death by Hunting Rifle, and Cardboard People Don’t Whine

  1. Like the pic of boy7….and the one of dad….and mom……ooh and the corn too (no butter or salt required, on the corn that is)!

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