Death From Too Much Vigor, Hiding My Obsession, and Everybody Needs a School Uniform

I woke this morning to the whispers of concerned children outside my bedroom door.  Apparently, there was a million legger running around in the dining room.  From the children’s report, it was like a wild bull in a rodeo.  They didn’t want to get gored, so they were using their binoculars to keep track of its whereabouts from the safety of the living room.

Fortunately, Darling Husband has off on Fridays in the summer, so I didn’t have to avoid the dining room for the entire day.  By the time Darling Husband slumped out of bed to catch the million legger, it was just lying there, playing dead.  Or maybe it was dead.  The boys insisted it had been running with great vigor only moments before.  Maybe too much vigor, right on the heels of too many double cheeseburgers, did the poor thing in.  I’ve heard that high cholesterol and obesity are becoming critical issues here in America.


I was going to spend the day putting away last year’s homeschooling papers.  But then look at what happened:

Ahhh!  Friends with pools.  The boys made a new friend at the homeschool co-op this past year.  I haven’t had a chance to spend much time with his mom, but she called this morning and invited us to join them in their pool.

We spent the day lazing around on floating tube things.  I had elaborate plans of getting pictures while I was floating around the pool.  I had all sorts of ideas.  There was an old picturesque shed at one end of the pool with a bright red birdhouse on it and I wanted to get pictures of it from the pool.  Or another idea was to get pictures near water level of the kids at the other end.   But Alex has a fear of water.  He can’t swim.  Poor thing would sink right to the bottom.

Plus, in order to create my pictures, I’d have to involve the help of this mom to pull me all around the pool in the floaty tube thing and hold it steady.  Since I don’t know her too well, I didn’t want to creep her out with my photography obsession.  Not just yet, anyway.  Right now when I’m with her, I downplay all the picture taking I do.  But just give me a little time, and she won’t even bat an eye:  “Pull me back a little.  Now, hold the float steady while I frame this shot…Pull me to the other end now…Get me a glass of iced tea while you’re at it.  Extra ice.”


Just before sitting down to write this, I spent an hour assessing an essay.  This essay was on the topic, “Should school uniforms be mandatory?”  By the time I’ve pulled apart someone’s essay for an hour, I’m pretty convinced of their point of view.  Yes!  School uniforms are crucial to our success as a nation, nay, to the very survival of the human race!   I’m a homeschooler, so I have a school, right?  So, we need uniforms!  I don’t want the other students bullying my kids because of their clothes.

Actually, come to think of it we already have a uniform.  I’ve mentioned it in the past:  pajamas.  I’m telling you people, homeschoolers have the best schools;  gym at the skating rink, and pajamas for uniforms.