There’s an Earwig in my Swimsuit

I think I’ll try to grow my hair long and lustrous.  Right now, it’s short and scraggly and is the shortest hair in the family.

The boys’ hair is long and lustrous.  Well, it’s long anyway.  It’s more scraggly than lustrous.  I’m not sure what’s up with Boy7, but every morning he wakes up with a Gordian knot on the back of his head and we have to use detangler to brush it out.  This is shameful for the boy, because the detangler comes in a pink bottle.  Pink = bad.

As much as they can’t stand pink and girly things, you’d think they wouldn’t want long hair.  But they’re unsocialized homeschoolers and they haven’t figured out that boys aren’t supposed to have long hair.

If I forced the issue, we could cut Boy7’s hair and he would look great, but I have to admit that Boy9 looks goofy with short hair.  One year, I buzz cut their hair in the spring.  Boy9 went first and he looked like a holocaust victim when I was through.  I lied and said, “It looks good…” but Boy7 took one look at Boy9 and burst into delighted laughter.  Boy9 burst into undelighted tears and ran from the room.  That was 2 years ago, and Boy9 hasn’t let me near his head since.

I wish hair could grow long overnight, like in the movie Stardust* where the pirate cuts the main guy’s hair and it gets longer as he cuts it.  Oh, what I wouldn’t give for magic like that!

Then again, I guess I wouldn’t give much, because on this side of the wall we call that sort of magic, “hair extensions” and I’m not about to pay for them.  Guess I’ll just have to grow my own hair.

Like homegrown tomatoes. Homegrown tomatoes are a thing of wonder.  I could grow some tomatoes.  The only problem is that gardening makes you sweaty and dirty and a bug always jumps on you.  Especially around here.

Last summer I dried some clothes on the clothes line outside.  I forgot about the clothes overnight so the next morning I went to bring them in.  They were covered in bugs.  Covered!  After the 5th bug, I couldn’t contain myself anymore and allowed the bottled up shriek to come rushing out, and asked Brave Darling Husband to bring in the rest of the clothes, after he inspected each piece.

And the year before that, I put our wet bathing suits on the back porch to dry.  Later, I picked up my suit, and there, stuck in the netting on the inside of the suit was a pincher bug.  A pincher bug!  You know: those bugs with the pincher things on them?  Sometimes they’re called earwigs, just to completely freak people out.  Earwigs?  How did they earn that name?  And what if I hadn’t found the bug and put on the bathing suit and then got pinched by earwigs?!  

Maybe I could pay someone else to grow tomatoes while I stay inside and write stories.  I could pay $20 as a gardener fee.  I’d buy the plants and any other supplies.  They’d have to grow them on their own property and water them and I could come by and pick them off whenever I want them.  Any takers?

Oh hey!  I guess I can talk about this today, since it happened at about 12:15 this morning.  There I was, getting ready for bed in the small bathroom, when what should I see clinging to the ceiling but another million legger.

Thankfully Brave Darling Husband was at home, so I hollered for him to come and rescue me.  We have an unspoken agreement that if it’s any other kind of bug, I deal with it on my own if Darling Husband is already in bed.  But not million leggers.  I turn into a blubbering wimpy girly-girl around million leggers and require his manly help.  With great patience, he dragged himself out of bed, caught the bug and only once pretended to trip on the hall carpet and lunge at me with the bug cup.


The picture of the day is of Soup Day.  Every two weeks I get together with a group of friends for lunch.  We eat soup.

Soup Day

What I like about this picture is that Kris is looking at the camera, but you can see other people in the background.  In the kitchen someone’s getting a haircut, and in the mirror, someone is watching Kris get her picture taken.

Oh, and note the pretty flowers on the table.  B is getting her nurse practitioner’s degree while holding down a job and raising four kids.  In a show of support, her Darling Husband sent her the flowers at work.  It was a lovely gesture, but we were thinking that having a new pair of shoes sent to you at work might be even better.

B’s Darling Husband asked her what she wanted as a graduation gift and she sighed and said, “A new furnace.”  No, not really, but if you’ve seen A Christmas Story and remember the scene where the Dad wishes for a new furnace, then you’ll understand B’s tone when she said, “Blue paint on the dining room walls, and new dishes to match.”  Her Darling Husband said he was hoping to give her something more personal, but I say, “B’s Darling Husband, you get her that blue paint!”

Because that red paint makes the room too dark for good picture taking.


*Stardust is one of my favorite movies.  Maybe even a top 10-er.


5 thoughts on “There’s an Earwig in my Swimsuit

  1. My favorite musical is “Hair”. Those were the days, my friend. We thought they’d never end. Then the 60’s came (not the era, but my age) and the pony -tail came off.

  2. When you get tomatoes at a roadside stand and they look perfect, they were bought at the wholesale market. Look for the ugly ones.

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