I Look Like an Oompa Loompa in Shorts.

Saw some shoes at Target that seemed interesting.  Didn’t buy them.  Saw them again at Target.  They still seemed interesting.  Still didn’t buy them.

Went back a third time.  Bought them.

Darling Husband took one look at them and said, “Will you be able to walk in those?”

What?!  Does he doubt my womanly skilz?  I don’t ask him if he thinks he can handle driving a pick-up truck, do I?  Of course I can walk in them!

(I hope…)

Nothing much else happened today, so I’ll walk you through trying to find some shorts at Target.

I was hoping to get some cheap shorts for the summer that wouldn’t make me look like an oompa loompa.  Most shorts do, so I didn’t have high hopes that I’d find anything at Target, but it was worth a look.

I started with some dresses first, hoping that I could bypass the shorts entirely this year.

Here’s what I came in wearing.  This is the baseline outfit.  If I can’t find something that looks at least as flattering as this I won’t get it.

First attempt.  A skirt and top.

This makes me look puffy.  Women do not like looking puffy.

Look at it from the side:

The skirt has a giant bow on the front for all those women who want puffy stomachs.

Maybe if I wear a non-puffy shirt, the bow won’t be as noticeable.

That didn’t work; all the fitted shirt does is show you the misshapen alien that’s about to rip its way out of my stomach.   Tuck in the shirt?

Oompa Loompa doompadee doo

Next dress.

“When’s the baby due?” isn’t something I ever want to hear again in my life.

Next dress:

Puffy, puffy everywhere.  No good.

How about something without any puff:

I don’t even know what to say about this one.  My expression says it for me.

Let’s ditch the dresses and try on some shorts and some t-shirts.

Um…shorts just look silly.  Why do they look silly?  I dunno, but they do.  Compare to the baseline picture (below.)  The shorts don’t measure up.  Something about the shorts is dumpy.  The t-shirt fit great, so I bought it.

The next outfit isn’t bad at all.  Same t-shirt, but with a skirt instead of shorts, and no silly bow.

I started to get a little hopeful.  Maybe skirts will work!  Tried on the same skirt in black and then remembered to put the skirt to the Sit Down test.  Can I sit in the skirt without it riding waaaay up or squishing out my puffy stomach?

Nope.  And those pasty white thighs are going to stay pasty white.  I’m a stickler for sunblock.  Let’s cover those up, why don’t we?

Trying some different sizes.  Shouldn’t have bothered.

Maybe the shorts are too long.  Let’s try slightly shorter shorts.

Uh…no.  Another silly tie in the front of the shorts.  What’s up with all the tie closures?

Maybe the shorts would work with a different shirt.

Ooo.  The button down shirt looks nice.  I bought it.

So far I found a black t-shirt and a button down shirt, but no shorts.  I need shorts!  Let’s try a different t-shirt and see if that makes these shorts work, cause I need shorts:

No.  Still oompa loompa shorts.  Why can’t I make this work?  Maybe it’s the shirt.  Maybe it’s making the shorts look bad.  Let’s test the shirt with the jeans:

It’s not the shirt.  It was the shorts.  But hey, I look good in these jeans.  Maybe I need denim shorts:

You know, at this point, who knows anymore?  I’m so tired of trying on clothes by now and just want to go home.  I guess the denim shorts look so-so, but they’re really too hot for summer.   I’m not getting them.

Back to the skirt that didn’t pass the Sit Down test.  Maybe a bigger size will pass?

Meh.  Now everything is looking bad to me.  Besides, I thought up a new test.  The Can I Take a Photograph In It test.  You never know when you might have to fling yourself to the ground to get that perfect picture.  Can I fling in this skirt?  Let’s find out.  I sat on the floor.

And realized that I was too worn out to get up.  Blah.  And the skirt failed the Can I Take a Photograph In It test.

Bought my shoes and some shirts and went home.

————

TV show watched while cleaning/cooking in the kitchen: The Walking Dead.  Vince recommended it. He warned me that it was grisly….he was right.  Not so sure I’m interested in grisly.  I might have to leave the grisly to Vince and he can leave the Sci-Fi to me.

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4 thoughts on “I Look Like an Oompa Loompa in Shorts.

  1. You did well with the shirts!
    I too hate shorts…just don’t have the knees for them.
    Eventually I purchased 3/4 length, capri kind of, cotton pants in black, white and tan…wore them to death last summer.
    Good luck with finding non-oompa loompa shorts!
    Cheers,
    Laura

  2. Some days are just not good days for clothes shopping I swear! I will go out one day and everything will look smashing, and then the next everything fits but looks awful and I’m thinking how is that possible? It’s the same store I went to last time where everything looked nice but now everything looks horrible, how does this happen? I am guessing it’s just how they cut certain fashions they just don’t hang right on certain bodies? And I am with you on the shorts too – I can’t wear that right above the knee length either, I need either the capri length that extend ever so slighty below the knee or shorter ones that are about mid-thigh other wise I just look stumpy! I just end up wearing dresses and skirts most of the time any ways 😉 better luck next time, cute shoes btw!

    • Same thing happens at the library. Some days I walk in there and come out with a 15 book stack. Other days, nadda.

      I’m going to look for some capris soon. When I have another 5 hours to browse in stores and try on 50 outfits. I mostly want dresses or skirts rather than shorts or capris, but they have their own set of challenges.

      Thanks about the shoes. I like them a lot. Now I have to find something to wear with them.

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