The Sock That Refused to Die, 20 Year Old Kerosene, And Treasures From The Dump

Went out to breakfast with the family today.  Mom, Dad, Darling Husband, the kids and me.  While at breakfast we had one of the usual conversations:

Mom was upset that Dad still hasn’t gotten rid of the old kerosene in the basement.  Dad says, “Oh, it’s only one quart.”  And Mom points out that that one quart of kerosene has been getting in her way in the basement for twenty years.  When I snickered, she gave me The Look and said, “I am Not Kidding.  It’s been there Twenty Years.”  (Twenty years, Jerry!)

This is an ongoing conversation.  Mom tries to get rid of Dad’s stuff, Dad does his best to outmaneuver Mom.  Dad’s most recent strategy is to pass everything on to Darling Husband.  “Keeping it in the family” is how they refer to it.  I am so not liking this newest tactic.

Here’s Boy7 walking home from the restaurant. He’s rating the different lawn ornaments in front of the houses on our street.  He wants to decorate our yard with Easter Eggs.  Yeah…maybe we should take down the Christmas lights first.  Or!  Or we could tape a plastic egg over each little light and call them Easter Lights!

Wow. Look at the dreadlock forming on the back of his head.

I’m writing this at lunchtime today.  I’m supposed to be homeschooling the kids, but Darling Husband works at a college and has off for Spring Break and is creating an irresistible distraction for the kids.

Spring Break when you’re 44 and married with kids is a whole ‘nuther animal from spring break when you’re 21 and single.  So far he’s cleaned out the basement, the screened-in porch, and the backyard.  By the way he’s happily puttering around Getting Things Done, I suspect he’s having just as much fun as if he was on the beach somewhere.

No, not really.  That’s just what old, married people with kids like us, tell ourselves so we don’t weep in despair and run out to buy yellow convertibles we can’t really afford.  “Oooeee!  Havin’ fun cleaning up the yard!  Wouldn’t even wanna be on a beach right now anyway.  All that sunshine and fresh air makes my gout act up.”

But he missed the sock in the backyard.  How does this happen?  That sock has been stuck there on that piece of wood for about two years.  I was just about to throw it out, but I took a picture of it instead.  Eventually it’ll disintegrate in the weather, right?  If the kids observe it and log their observations, we can rework this into a science project.  We can put a plastic bag next to the sock to show how plastic isn’t biodegradable.  Ooooo!  Now that’s some serious science!

Still there.

With all this cleaning out comes the run to the dump.  And when you have two young boys in the house, it’s almost impossible to concentrate on doing your math work when Darling Husband is off gallivanting at the dump.  In a truck!  A truck!   Irresistible.

—————-

They just got back between dump runs.  Boy9 found a broken knife at the dump that he wants to keep and show off to his friends.  Hey, it’s better than the machetes from Walmart the boys wanted to buy with their Christmas money.  When I said, “Um, NO!”  I got big frowny, disbelieving faces: “But Mooooom!  It’s our own money!  C’mon!”

This is a knife.

Why can’t boys be more like girls and come back from the dump with a pretty flower?  Why does it have to be a rusty old knife?  And why can’t I say the word knife without using an Australian accent?  

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9 thoughts on “The Sock That Refused to Die, 20 Year Old Kerosene, And Treasures From The Dump

  1. Actually, I just got rid of some of the family stuff today. Dad was probably thinking, “some of this stuff looks familiar” as we heaved it over the edge of the truck.

    Dad told me a story today about this house in Gettysburg (you have to make the Gettys part rhyme with lettuce or they all know you aren’t from around here). They found a bunch of civil war era stuff including shoes inside a wall. I figured it was probably some stuff a wife told her husband to throw away, but he wanted to keep it. “It might come in handy or be an antique one day.” So, he just built a wall around it.

    • Back in the day,they used to put old shoes in walls. Some superstition they brought over from the old country. Usually worn out kids shoes.

  2. I had a knife, exactly like that in the boy scouts. We killed frogs with them. Our scout master (Cpl. Dollan. We were on an army base.) really got peeved and made us collect the dead frogs out of the pond. Then we had to fill our canteens with pond water,add water purification pills and hike back to base. Seven miles. We had drunk all of our water on the way out. At the end of our hike back to base,we got a lecture on rationing water and that the knife was a tool,not toy. After the lecture he did give us each a coke. The cokes were warm. Lesson learned.

    • That wasn’t Henry. That was yet another tv corpse from the man cave. You know, you’re soooo artistic, maybe we should bring those tvs to your house and you can turn them into something pretty.

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