Gooey Candy, Wild Rumors and Thin Thighs

HOW could I have forgotten??

Totally forgot to take a picture of the day today.  I spent 4 hours with Melissa learning all sorts of tricks in Photoshop Elements and meant to take pictures at her house and forgot.  So, today, for the picture of the day, you’re stuck with a dramatization of me getting home and realizing I forgot to take pictures at her house.

Doh!

Have to come up with something. But what?

I've got nothin'.

Chocolate. I could write about chocolate...

Instead of telling you all the cool secrets she shared with me today about photography and elements, I’m gonna talk about chocolate since this is the song I’ve had stuck in my head for the past two days. 

It’s the Mary Sue Easter Egg song.  I haven’t heard that commercial since 1985, but I still know all the words.  Here’s a quick article about Mary Sue Easter Eggs.  From what I understand, you can only get the Mary Sue Easter Eggs at Easter, which really isn’t fair.  It’s a contrived scarcity and I’m resentful.

Another thing that you can get only at Easter: Cadbury eggs.  I tried to hoard a bunch of Cadbury Eggs a couple of years ago.  I had a stash of about 30 of them in the refrigerator crisper.  I was hoping to dole them out to myself every couple of weeks until the next Easter.  The chocolate stayed fine, but the insides got crunchy, and the insides are the best part.  I don’t care about the nasty chocolate.  I just want the gooey raw-egg insides.  (Oh, drool!)  I still ate the eggs, of course, but they were a sad shadow of themselves.

I’ve heard a rumor that in England, home of the Cadbury factory, there are vending machines where you can get fresh Cadbury Eggs all year long.  I’m not sure how accurate that information is.  It’s sort of like how the Irish used to think that New York City’s streets were paved with gold…just too good to be true.  Maybe in the dark of winter next year, I’ll rustle up a few grand and take a trip to England, just for the Cadbury Egg vending machines.  It would be totally worth it.  If anyone from England reads this blog, please tell me whether or not y’all are gorging yourselves on Cadbury eggs during the lean winter months.  And how much do they charge for an egg in a vending machine?  Do they have that nasty caramel flavor, or just the lovely fondant ones?  Does only one egg pop out, or a little box with a couple of eggs?

All England has to do is start putting those Cadbury vending machines on other continents, the same way they used to put colonies everywhere, and I’m sure their empire would rise again.  Instead of seeding the world with prickly pilgrims and prisoners, there could be row after row of Cadbury egg vending machines.  That’s where they made their mistakes.  You knew those prickly pilgrims would turn on them.  We all saw it coming.  And the prisoners ended up making lovely lives for themselves, once they figured out which Australian animals were poisonous.  (All of them.)  England could charge everyone a high tax on the Cadbury Eggs and we’d happily pay without a peep.  England would rule the world again.  Rule Britannia!

Speaking of Peeps, I have a love/hate relationship with Peeps.  I don’t like them, until I eat one.  And then I love it, but only while I’m eating it.  As soon as I’m done, I don’t like it anymore.  I prefer the bunnies rather than the chicks, because the bunny ears are better than the chick butts.  There’s more sugar-marshmallow ratio on the bunny ears.

Last year I was afraid to pre-buy all the Easter candy because I knew I’d pre-eat it.  I waited until the grocery shopping day before Easter, but it was too late, and the only things left in the store were some pastel Nerds and M&Ms.  Yuck.  No goey insides in Nerds and M&Ms.  Just boring old sour candy and chocolate.  Blech.  This year, I’ve been buying a bag of candy every time I go to the grocery store, to make sure that we don’t miss out on all the good stuff again this year.

Yesterday, when I was looking for my weekly pick of Easter candy, I finally found all the Mary Sue Easter Eggs.  Yes!  Even though it’s been (um, doing the math, 2012 –  1985 = uh…) a long time, immediately the song came to mind.  So, when I inadvertently gasped aloud and exclaimed, “Mary Sue Easter Eggs!!”  and the boys asked, “What are those?”  I was able to tell them that people were making the switch, ‘cause using real butter makes Mary Sue better and you’re never had it so rich.  (refer to song.)

I bought two boxes.  Vanilla cream (more drool) and coconut.  There were six eggs in a box.  Were.  There are only four eggs in a box now.  These eggs are so not gonna make it to Easter.  I don’t think they’ll make it to Monday.  And Sunday is iffy.

I’ll be glad when Easter is done.  No more temptation until Halloween.  Think about it:  October is Halloween, December is Christmas, February is Valentine’s Day, and April is Easter.  All those pounds of chocolate.   The chocolatiers planned it that way.  They know we’ll be bundled up in our winter clothes so we can hide the extra chocolate pounds we’re all carrying in our fat winter thighs.  If they tried to create a candy holiday in the middle of summer, no one would buy the candy because we have to wear shorts and people would see our fat thighs.

People like thin thighs.  The last time I was in an airport, everyone was standing around waiting for whatever it is that people wait for in airports.  There was a TV playing some news program.  No one was watching it, no one was listening to it.  Until the announcer said, “Coming up next, 5 ways to get Thin Thighs,“ and I am not kidding, every single head within the sound of the announcer’s voice snapped up to see the screen.  Thin thighs!  Oooo!  Maybe they’ll show pictures!  And if not, how do I get me some thin thighs?

Everybody loves thin thighs.  And eating up all the Mary Sue Easter Eggs before Easter is not one of the 5 ways to get them.

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6 thoughts on “Gooey Candy, Wild Rumors and Thin Thighs

  1. Pingback: No Naked People at the Peep Show, Eggs of Doom, and A Drop In « dustylizard

    • Never heard of Cadbury Eggs?!? You poor, poor dear. Have you had a chance to try one yet? Some people prefer the caramel, so you might have to try a few eggs before you’re sure you do or don’t like them.

      And that recipe! Yikes! I love candy and all, but…yikes!

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