Slugs, Roaches, and Soup

Can you even dye my eyes to match my gown? Jolly good town.

Lisa’s hair was looking really nice at Soup Day today.  She said, “Since my hair is looking good today, I was hoping someone would take my picture for my Facebook profile.”  Significant look in my direction.  But then!  Then!  She handed me her credit card-sized dinky camera.  It was red.  Gak.   I tried, people, I really tried, but it was just awful.  I’m slowly becoming a camera snob.  When she handed me that dinky little credit card-sized camera and asked me to take a picture of her, it was like someone handing me a slimy slug.  I’m ruined for dinky little cameras forever.  When I go on vacation, I’ll never be able to pop out to the beach with a dinky little camera tucked away in the corner of my towel.  I’ll end up lugging Clarisse with me everywhere I go and she’s heavy.  She’s been putting on weight ever since I got her.  I had to hide the Belgium chocolates.

Clarisse is heavy and sometimes is a bit of a pain to lug around, and I don’t even have near as much equipment as most (insane) photography people do.  My camera is still in the point and shoot category since it doesn’t have those interchangeable lenses.  I’m putting off getting one of those types of cameras, with all the interchangeable lenses, for as long as I can.  (They’re called DSLRs.)

(Aside:  This is my camera, for those photography-type people who are curious.)

First of all, they’re expensive (upper hundreds to a thousand to get yourself going) and you all know how I feel about expensive.  Driving home from the concert last night, Mom gave a pained sigh and said, “When are you going to replace your headlight covers?”  The car is so old that the headlight covers have completely clouded over and if I want to use the brights, I have to hold the brights lever with my finger the entire time I use them, or they don’t really get bright.  But headlight covers are $50 each.  That’d be $100 for two of them!  Holding the lever with my finger: free.

Second DSLRs are heavy.  When I considered what type of camera to get this past Christmas, I asked to hold Kevin’s camera to feel how heavy it was, and it was like someone handed me a cannonball. I was thinking, “Holy moly!  This thing is heavy!  I can feel the little bones in my wrist starting to snap!”  And Kevin said, “See.  It’s light, isn’t it?”  What?!  If that’s light, then what’s a heavy camera like?  My friend, Melissa, is an assistant to a wedding photographer, and he asked her to take a couple of pictures with his camera with the 400 pound zoom lens on it.  After 15 minutes, her little spaghetti arms were shaking from muscle fatigue.

Third, once you get a DSLR, you have to buy at least 2 lenses for it, and it’s all downhill from there.  Now you have to cart real live Equipment with you everywhere you go.  How can I walk around on the beach in my bathing suit wearing a big ol’ backpack of camera gear?  It totally messes up the “Hey, aren’t I cute in my bathing suit?” look.

Last year, PhotoClub was invited to a historic courthouse to take pictures of it.  The man who invited us drove us to the courthouse expecting us to show up with our dinky little credit card sized cameras.  Ok, maybe he expected the cameras to be slightly larger than the dinky little ones, but he was shocked when the PhotoClub members showed up with bag after bag (after bag) of gear.  He could barely fit it in the back of the minivan.  A minivan!  Not a little Honda hatchback.  There were lights and backdrops and tripods and 20 different lenses (each in their own special padded bag) and laptops and wires and stuff.  And then he thought we’d walk around for maybe an hour or so in a lively group, chatting and snapping pictures and then head out to lunch.

Nay, nay, monsieur.  After he gave us a quick tour of the courthouse, we all spread out like roaches, quietly set up our various levels of equipment and took hundreds of pictures in silence for the next day and a half.  We only stopped for chips and highly caffeinated drinks from the vending machine.  It was great!

What am I even writing about?  I sat down to tell you about the concert yesterday but that’s not happening, is it?

Ok—back to Lisa and her dinky slug camera.  I had to take her back in the kid’s bedroom to get any kind of decent lighting.  It’s difficult enough getting clear pictures from expensive Clarisse in B’s dim house, so you know anything taken on a dinky little camera would be ghastly.  The kid’s bedroom is the only room flooded with lovely sunlight.  But even with all the sunlight, the pictures didn’t turn out well.  Lisa said, disappointed, “Well, we’ll just go with what we’ve got.”

No.  No, no, no.  Back at the dining room table, I took some proper pictures of her with Clarisse.  Lisa got into the picture taking and posed for me and then said, “Can you do that thing where you make my eyes look really, really blue?”

I may not know very much about taking pictures, and I might not have the very best camera, but I can do the blue eye thing.

Oh, and the soup was really good today, too.


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