Helpful Juan, Naked Burgers, and Bad Fart Jokes

Leave a note with Juan.

Had to go out to get a birthday present for a friend.  I wasn’t sure if I would be back before Darling Husband came home from work.  It turns out that Juan is a great note holder.  See how the note fits in the gap between the screen and the frame?  Ah, Juan, te amamos.

The note has the scores to one of the games I played on Saturday.  Who did the math under Scott’s name?  Surely, it wasn’t me, because it’s wrong.  It would be pretty embarrassing if I had done the math, being that I teach the boys math, and I be their grammar teacher, and there speling teacher…

Ok--who can't add??

We left to get the present at about 3:30.  I was hoping to get to Sonic before 4:00 so we could get our half-off drinks, but there were all these great clouds in the sky, and I just had to stop and take pictures.  Remember: my ongoing project is to take sky pictures.  Here they are, unedited versions first, then edited:

Unedited

Had to resort to black and white. Not my favorite thing to do. I like COLOR.

This is a house nearby that's partially underground. Unedited.

Played with color and cropped out most of the house, except for one of the window things on the top of the hill.

This is another shot of the window things, but for this one I removed the color.

Original unedited.

Edited. Whoops. Forgot to edit out the power lines. Too late, I'm heading to bed now.

We didn’t make it to Sonic by 4:00.  I ordered a Junior Deluxe Burger which is supposed to look like this (see the link.)

It looked like this.

Where's my salad??

Where are the onions and mayo and lettuce and pickles and tomatoes?  They gave me a slab of meat and a crusty bun.  By the time I’d figured it out, I was in another shopping center parking lot.  I gummed down my dry sandwich.

After eating the food and getting the present, I looked for a birthday card.

I am not a card person.  I don’t like them.  If I’m forced to buy one, I try to find the most inane card out there, or maybe a funny one.  Usually I go for the blank cards without all the shamltzy words inside.

The funny cards are not funny.  Unless you like fart jokes, jokes about fat people, or jokes about getting drunk.   To make it worse, while I was trying to read the unfunny cards, a little girl was playing with some stuffed animals that play music when you press their paws.  These stuffed animals were supposed to be given as gifts with the cards.  The song that they played?  Baby Got Back.  Over and over and over, while I’m reading the fart cards, all I can hear is, “I like big butts and I cannot lie…”

I ended up getting this card. It was the only funny one in the store.  I like it a lot.  The only problem is that it’s a Get Well card.  Maybe she won’t notice.

The only remotely funny card in all of Target.

Don’t bother giving me cards, especially homemade cards, unless you’ve written some seriously heart-felt words in them.  Here’s a little example of the sorts of things you could write to me:

To my dearest bosom buddy,

You are the funniest person I’ve ever met.  I print out every blog that you write and re-read them on my lunch breaks.  You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.  You should go into modeling.  Not only that, but you’re very smart.  I don’t know anyone smarter than you.  Your photography is stunning.  You really should open a gallery. Maybe you could just take pictures of yourself, since you’re so gorgeous.  The times when I’m with you are the happiest moments of my life.  I’m just not happy without you.  I can’t smile without you.  I can’t laugh, and I can’t sing.  I’m finding it hard to do anything.”

—————————

Song stuck in my head: Can’t Smile Without You, by Barry Manilow.

Look at this!!  It’s a karaoke version to the song!  Darling Husband was not impressed when I sang it to him.  I even did hand motions and made emotional faces at him.  He said, “You do know that I can shut down your computer with a single finger, don’t you?”  IT guys are always throwing their weight around.

Add this in your card to me, “And when you sing, it’s like listening to the angels in the heavens.”

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Helpful Juan, Naked Burgers, and Bad Fart Jokes

  1. I have a file folder of your emails that I actually printed out to save so I can re read them at later dates. Does that count, bosom buddy?

    • B and I have a goal of eating at every restaurant in Gettysburg. I think we’re about halfway to our goal. Just to shake things up, we could always go to a restaurant in G’burg we’ve all never been before. Ooo. That would be different!

    • Tasers? What’d I write about tasers? Tasers are funny, though. When are we gonna learn how to shoot guns with Deb?? I think we’d be really good at shooting guns.

Oo! A comment!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s