How to Kill James Bond or Ok, We Didn’t Kill Him, But We Got To See Him Naked

Edited a picture from yesterday.

Not the most exciting picture ever, but I wanted to see if I could make the jug of water a little more dramatic.

Original, unedited.

I do like the edited version better.  The subject is somewhat boring to begin with, but the edited version is slightly more interesting than the unedited.


Had dinner at Mom’s tonight.  This was a good thing because I took a nap this afternoon, but timed it wrong and woke up Crabby.  (Note the capital C)

As you may recall, I used to read a lot of James Bond novels when I was in school.  I don’t remember a whole lot from the novels except that one time the bad guys tried to have him killed by rubbing raw steak all over him when he was naked and setting attack dogs on him to eat him alive.  Great stuff.  Of course, the bad guys left the room before they set the dogs on him and he managed to get away.  As usual.

Other than the naked attack dog thing, I remember that James Bond could fall asleep within seconds anywhere, anytime.  And he also woke up completely alert.  He’d trained himself to be able to do that.  I think that other military types can do that, too.  And if they can do it, why not me??

They say that naps over twenty minutes are not refreshing because you enter into some other stage of sleep that you either need to see all the way through (for hours), or you need to get out of the nap before you fall into the next state of sleep.  (Retreat!  Retreat!)  Twenty minutes is enough to get some rest, but not fall into too deep of a stage of sleep.  Don’t quote me on all that. I probably made it up.  Or else read it in Glamour magazine, and they made it up.

So, before a nap I get everything ready (eye mask, ear plugs, shades drawn, bed warmer on, shoes off, timer set), hit start on the timer, and fall asleep pretty much instantly.  Twenty minute later (barring any phone calls from the library), I force myself to get up.

And they’re right.  If I can fall asleep within the first two minutes and if I get up twenty minutes later, I feel great.  Very refreshed.

But today, I wanted more sleep than the twenty minutes so I planned on an hour and a half.  Big mistake.  I should have known better.

I woke up crabby.  Cra-a-a-a-a-a-bby!  The problem with being crabby is that you can’t get away from yourself.  If someone else is crabby you can say, “You’re crabby!  Go away!”  But when it’s you…there’s no escape.  You’re stuck listening to your own bitterly sarcastic comebacks, even if they’re only in your head.

So instead of holing up in the playroom composing crabby blogs, I had to go to Mom’s house for lasagna, chicken, and salad.  And lemon meringue pie.  And M&Ms.  And Double Stuf Vanilla Oreos.  And small Peppermint Patties.

And all that wonderful sugar jogged me right out of my crabby mood.

Lemon Meringue pie, edited.

Lemon Meringue pie, unedited. Not as yummy looking.

The edited is probably too neon-yellow and contrasty, but honestly, I’ve lost interest in the picture and am not going to play with it anymore.  What’s done is done.


Now that I finally got a chance to play my board games yesterday, I want to play them even more.  My plan is that when we go to Li’s Buffet, I’ll bring a game and we can play one while we eat.

Which reminded me of Toni.

Toni has been a family friend since I was seven years old.  She’s my mother’s age and sometimes she would invite Darling Husband and me to her house for dinner.  And every single time, she would say, with a hopeful catch in her voice, “And after dinner, we can all play Dominoes.”  And we’d all say, “Er…um…yeeeah…”

We’d do our best to weasel out of it and feel horribly guilty about it.  Her face would crumple when we got to the end of another visit and “Oops—ran out of time for Dominoes.  Maybe next time!”

Finally she flat out insisted and forced us to play.  I think she fed us salty chips as an appetizer then wouldn’t let us have a drink until we’d played a round of Dominoes.

And it turns out that we loved it!  It was fun.  Well, I loved it.  I’m not sure about Darling Husband.

I realize that I’m The Toni now.  And with incessant begging, withholding food, or threatening to rub steak all over the guests and set the attack dogs on them I can probably get most of my guests to play board games with me.

You’ve been warned.


2 thoughts on “How to Kill James Bond or Ok, We Didn’t Kill Him, But We Got To See Him Naked

  1. I normally take the crabby nap, but today I had the 20 min. nap and felt GREAT when I woke up! You are so right, no matter where you got your information. 😉

Oo! A comment!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s