My Sister Wife, 5 Cent Coffee, Doorknobs and Rose Perfume

Valentine’s Day is somewhat incomprehensible for the mostly unromantic.  The only reason I put up with it is for the presents.   Darling Husband always asks before each gift-giving occasion, “Uh, do you want something for (insert gift giving occasion)?”  And the answer is always, “Yes.  Do you?” and his answer is always, “No.”

Works for me.

Thankfully, Darling Husband is also mostly unromantic, so on Valentine’s Day we skip the grueling ritual of exchanging embarrassing cards filled with bad poetry, and go straight to giving me my gift and eating out.  It’s a good thing.

Tonight we ate at Li’s Buffet.  Jin asked if Darling Husband got me roses for Valentine’s Day.  Nope.  Instead of getting roses that’ll die and rot in a few days, I got my Crabtree and Evelyn rose perfume that’ll send everyone into fits of sneezes for the next few months.  I’m very happy.
I had an English teacher in 11th grade, Mrs. Sherman, who wore rose perfume every day.  She laced her hot water heater with it and showered in it.   She would breeze through the classroom, rose scent wafting after her.  No matter how late in the day your class was, she was just as potent as the first class.  She sat in a perpetual mist of rose perfume.

She’s my inspiration.  Darling Husband suggested I stop bathing and just use the perfume instead.  He’s always full of helpful ideas like that.

I’ve wanted this rose perfume ever since that 11th grade English class, but this is the first time I’ve actually owned a bottle.  If we do the math, I was 16 at the end of 11th grade and I’m 39 now, so I’ve wanted this stinkin’ perfume for twenty-three years.  I’m lucky the company is still in business.

Why did I wait so long to get the perfume?

I worried that only old people wear rose perfume.  Mrs. Sherman was really old.  She was, like, 32 or something.

And along with being mostly unromantic, I’m also cheap.  I don’t want to waste money on a watery spray that’ll wear off in a couple of hours.  I want a useful gift.  I’m the sort of woman who asks for doorknobs for Christmas.  Seriously.  I asked mom for new doorknobs for the six doors in my hallway.  She was disgusted and said, “I bought you that boring bed warmer last year, but I will not buy you doorknobs.  That’s just going too far!”  I was crushed.

I was raised to be frugal in a single-income household surrounded by double-income friends.  Oh, the decadence of their cable tv and central air conditioning!  I used to go to J’s house in the summer and hover above the vents, watching her MTV.  She was soooo lucky.

One time I was out driving with my parents.  We were thirsty, but none of us had any cash.  (This was before ATM and debit cards.)  There was a sign in the window of Hardees advertising a 5 cent cup of coffee.  My dad said, “Wait…maybe, just maybe…” and he opened the rusty ash tray in the car, and there, stuck in the middle of a soda spill along with some fuzz, was a single, shining nickel.  He pried it out of the congealed soda and held it aloft to our gasping delight.  “Kids!  I’m turning this car around!  We’re gettin’ us some coffee!”

Anyway…sometimes it’s nice to throw aside the frugality and live large.  So, after 23 years of waiting, I asked for the perfume.  And I love it.

Speaking of love and Valentine’s Day, I have an announcement:  Darling Husband has taken a second wife.  Her name is Stella.  You can see him gazing adoringly at her in the picture of the day (above.)  Stella and Darling Husband are inseparable.  She even sleeps on his pillow, just like the frog in the Princess and the Frog.

I visited with some friends without Darling Husband the other day.  We were watching the Super Bowl and had questions during the commercials like, “Oh look.  There’s that actor…oh, what’s his name…can anyone remember his name?”

Usually on such an occassion, we turn to Darling Husband and he finds the answer for us.  But he wasn’t there.  We never did find out that actor’s name.  Oh, how I missed my husband.  Or perhaps more accurately, how I missed my Sister Wife!

Stella, we love you!  Happy Valentine’s Day!  You complete our family!

(P.S. :  For the non-technical, Stella is an ipad.)

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10 thoughts on “My Sister Wife, 5 Cent Coffee, Doorknobs and Rose Perfume

  1. I read an article where the wife named her husband’s crackberry “bond girl” and one day she found it on HER side of the bed. I’m not sure she was as close to her sister wife. :o)

  2. We had a Valentine adventure.First I read the e-cards she sent me.Then I changed the batteries on the Bear couple with the heart pillow (two bears, side by side,he wears a hat,of course,she’s a bit smaller).When you squeeze his paw they sing “I got you ,babe” and he moves his head -Sonny & Cher-.After that a short cruise to listen to our audio book,get a flat tire ,wait for AAA,then dinner at TGI with an $8 off stripes coupon,plus a coupon for a free b’day dessert ,which we shared.Then home in time for the BBC news at 5:30.

  3. I used to work with a teacher who perfumed her room with a french vanilla scent- some sort of potent plug-in. I think she had two or three in her room. She was a very pretty young teacher, in her twenties, and all the guys couldn’t wait to get into her class. I cannot walk by the scents in WalMart without remembering her room and eminations wafting through our hallways, choking our poor children!

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