Bumping into an Old Boyfriend 20 Years Later

This is the shadow of a dryad on the wall of the bathroom tub.

Ok, it’s not really a dryad.  It’s a shadow of my ridiculous hair when I dry it with a towel.  I thought it looked a bit like the silhouette of a tree and snapped a picture.  You know I must love photography, because I had to open the bathroom door to get the camera, which let out all the hot air that I’d stored up during the shower.  Now that’s commitment, people.  Giving up my small bathroom hot air like that…

One day I think it would be fun to leave my hair sticking straight up and walk around with it like that all day.  But if I did, that would guarantee that I’d  bump into all my old boyfriends and every kid who ever tormented me at school.

Darling Husband came home from a board meeting at church one day and said, “The pastor was talking about your old boyfriend at the board meeting.”

“What?  What? What’re you talking about?”  Darling Husband was enjoying himself, being all cryptic.

“He was talking about your boyfriend.”

“The pastor was talking about my old boyfriend?  What boyfriend?  I haven’t had a boyfriend in over 20 years!”

“Well, didn’t you date a guy named John Doe?”

“Yeah—over twenty years ago.”  (I’m getting old.)

“Well, the pastor was mentioning a few families new to the church, and apparently your old boyfriend and his family attend our church now.  The pastor said he was a nice guy.”

“What?”  Of all the churches in all the towns in all the world, he has to come to mine.  (I’ve seen Casablanca at least five times.)  “Maybe it’s a different John Doe…”

But probably not, because his name isn’t actually John Doe (I made that name up.   No reason for anyone at church to know who he is and gawk at him) and how many Not-Named-John-Does can there be in a 50 mile radius?

“Well, wasn’t your John Doe blonde and kinda big?”

“I guess.”

“The pastor said he sits in the back, sort of in the middle.”

So, of course, I can’t wait for Sunday to roll around so I could gawk at him.

And there, sitting in the back, sort of in the middle, was a somewhat largish, blonde man with very blue eyes.  He looked different (twenty years older) but the eyes…yeah, it was him.

So I gawked like a moron and didn’t say a word, because it’s just weird to have an old boyfriend show up when you don’t want him to.

But 2 weeks later, I realized how dumb it was not to introduce myself, so during the meet and greet time, I walked over, shook his hand and say, “Hi…are you Not-Named-John-Doe?”

“Yes!”

“Who went to Blah-Blah High School?”

“Yes!”

“I was your senior prom date.”

“No!  Really?”

“Yup.”

“Really?  Really?!  Hey, Wife Doe!  I went to the prom with her!  Whaddya know?!”

Ok, come on now.  I know you dumped me, but do you have to completely forget me, too?  Ugh.

And then I sat  down and forgot about him for another 2 weeks.  (I go to two different services: 8:00 one week, 10:30 the next—back and forth.  He goes to the 10:30 one.)

But then, 2 weeks later, he comes up to me and says, “Hey, I need to clear something up.  When you talked to me a couple of weeks ago, I was surprised, but I hadn’t forgotten you.  I even still remember your old phone number!”  And so we chit-chatted for few minutes, getting up to speed about our families and why he moved up here and why I moved up here and blah blah blah.

And in those few minutes of conversation, I realized what a horrible, horrible match we were.  Oh, he’s a really nice guy, like the pastor said, but he is all wrong for me.  I mean, he didn’t get a single joke I made when we chit-chatted!  Not a single joke!  Why did I ever let myself go bowling with a guy who doesn’t laugh at my jokes??!!

So, maybe, sometimes it is nice when an old boyfriend shows up.  Especially when you’ve had your Lasik eye sugery, let the hair stylist do your hair the right way (not spiked like a dryad), braces off and are dressed up nice for church.

——–

The rest of the day: went to a movie (One for the Money) with Mom.  Mom lost her hat in the theater.  What’s up with my family members losing stuff in theaters?  She found it right before I had to turn on the light switch.

Here we are in the bathroom:

Went to Li’s Buffet for lunch.  Here’s the bathroom.  It’s really cold in the bathroom at Li’s in the winter:

And my free lunch card.

Cleaned the playroom, because it’s movie night with G and J.   (See the nice big projector screen on the wall?) That’s the only time the room gets thoroughly cleaned.  And I’m sad to say that even though this is the kid’s playroom, most of the mess in the room was mine.

They brought queso dip.  YUM.  Watched Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.  One of my Top 100 favorite movies.

——–

Didn’t watch a complete Star Trek today.  In this one, an alien possesses Kirk’s body.  Alien possession wigs Boy9 out so we had to stop it halfway through.

Wigs him out.  Wow.  Am I dating myself or what?  I am a pretty good date.  I always bring myself flowers and pay for dinner and open doors and stuff.

 

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4 thoughts on “Bumping into an Old Boyfriend 20 Years Later

    • Yeah, at first I didn’t like it that he remembered my old phone number either. But the get-up-to-speed conversation happened a good half a year ago, and neither of us has spoken to the other one since. I think it was pretty clear to him (as well as me) from our conversation that we have nothing in common.

      Dirty Rotten Scoundrels is an awesome movie. It’s one that I can watch over and over and still enjoy without getting bored.

  1. I knew he was no good for you. Because he never wanted to hang out with me. And for what it’s worth I can’t even remember his name, for real, so sit on that John Doe.

    • Not wanting to hang out with you doesn’t make much sense being that we’re the same person, just split into two. If he didn’t like you, how could he have ever liked me?!?

      I think you must be the original and I’m the clone, because you’re older than me. Did you ever see the Arnold movie “The 6th Day” about how he gets cloned? I’m gonna have to look for a dot under my eyelid.

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